The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Sunday, September 04, 2005

McDonald's, Somewhere or Other

Generic High St
Standard Town

by Hashley Brown

I’d like to say that this was a review driven by a quest to mine the depths of breakfast iniquity, but I can’t. For the record I was driven by a deep carnal desire for a Sausage and Egg McMuffin. It’s not clever and I’m not proud. And I will never do it again.

You know the faux healthy advertising: the smiling people eating salads, the children playing with fruit, the pictures of grinning cows. But when it comes to a McDonald's breakfast, none of this washes. The inspid pork ‘patty’ that dripped grease came coupled with an egg that bore more relation to a greying slap of polystyrene than anything that’s popped out of the noble chicken. Topped with processed cheese and encased in a generic McMuffin, this breakfast was a tasteless, immoral affair.

From a purely fiscal point of view, the £2.29 handed over bought the aforementioned culinary aberration, which was joined by a hash brown and a bottle of Tropicana orange juice. The hash brown, which had clearly spent the morning imbibing as much oil as possible in the fryer, meant that the good quality juice spent most of its time emulsifying fat residues on the way down.

A thoroughly unpleasant affair.


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