Jack's, Queens Park
101 Salusbury Road
by Scott Cheigg
It was with some incredulity that I found myself walking into Jacks again, given that on two previous visits I had cause to complain twice about something or other. We entered trepidatiously and approached the counter.
- “A bottle of still water and a glass of ice, please.”
- "We have no bottles of still water."
- "A glass of tap water with lots of ice?"
- "We have no ice."
- "You have no bottled water or ice?"
Bemused, my companion ordered scrambled eggs, straight up, and I a vegetarian breakfast and fresh orange juice. We repaired to the street-side seating and noted that the window display next to us consisted entirely of bottles of water; Lemon and Siberian Ginger. Tangerine and Ginkgo Biloba and so on. My companion went next door to a grocer's to purchase a bottle of common or garden water and I took the opportunity to request that my 'cup of bottomless tea' be of the peppermint variety. Behold the dialogue:
- "Sorry, we can't do that."
- "It’s just a tea bag! Instead of putting an English Breakfast bag
in the pot, you just put a peppermint bag in!"
- "We don't have any peppermint tea. Only green."
- "Green tea's fine. Thanks."
- “I'm not sure we can do that..."
- "You're kidding…"
- "Well, okay, but just this once."
Jacks, you are jackasses. I would have you closed down and the lot of you carted off to New York to study Customer Service because I do not think you would know Customer Service if it smashed you repeatedly in the face with a house brick emblazoned with the legend 'Customer Service' whilst screaming "I am Customer Service" in alternate ears.
There is no word to save thee.
Truly, thou art damned.