The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Friday, October 13, 2006

Pret a Manger, Somewhere or Other

Pret a Manger
Somewhere or Other
PR8 MNJ
www.pret.com

by Poppy Tartt

Straight off the streets of chaos and no pity, the clientele of Pret a Manger are damp around the ankles, queuing for a breakfast, one hope, one quest. Word on those streets is Pret now offers a breakfast wrap. MCs better start chatting about what’s really happening and I ain’t even talking about the weather; I think I’ve made my feelings clear about wraps in the past. I’m clocking my options in the glass case: greasy croissants rammed with ham and tomatoes, breakfast baguettes, the breakfast wrap. The strangest things can happen from wrapping. It looks like a crushed wet napkin. It’s got beans in: nuff said, surely. Beans always want to escape, like kids off an council estate; 'fuck that, I’ve got my sleeves to think of' I’m shouting at the perky foreigner who’s serving me. ‘Would you like a napkin with that?’ she hits back. I skulk off to a distant stool with my bacon and egg baguette. My palms are sweaty and these weak arms are heavy, now I’m guzzling on coffee just to keep my head straight; don’t buy tea at Pret, it’s rubbish. Pret’s plotting for a title like Eat, who’s competing. Both go easy on the coffee heavy on the foam so your cup’s light as you like, careful you don’t lose your grip and leave a stain on a businessman’s suit. The breakfast baguette is hard to remember, like a dream. Too much garlic leads to a confused state, my buds fail to return a unanimous verdict on taste. Some kid’s gone crazy with the salt and pepper shakers, thank god I bought a yoghurt for later.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Che said...

Author of the review above tries so hard to convince that Pret breakfast was such a torment for him that he forgets what he's talking about. Egg & Bacon Baguette with garlic? I'm sorry but you have no taste buds whatsoever, there is no garlic in any product that comes from Pret. Coffee too light? Maybe it would be better to actually bother to READ the coffee list on the wall and pick up a latte or an americano? (wild shot - you've picked cappucino) Ehh.. What's the point of writing a review if you do it just for the sake of writing whatever comes to your mind.

12:22 AM, December 04, 2006  
Anonymous Poppy said...

Dear Che,

You raise many interesting questions.

1. What is the point of writing a review?
2. What is a review?
3. What is the point of posting a comment?
4. What is a comment?
5. Who is Che?
6. Who is Poppy?
7. Is 'the author' always male?
8. Does breakfast exist?
9. Does one coffee weigh more than another?
10. Does Pret really not use any garlic??
11. Why so angry Che?

Peace and love,

Poppy

2:55 PM, December 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, Pret does indeed use garlic. Lots of it too, as they use garlic salt in their "salt and pepper" seasoning mix that's applied in various amounts to most if not all of their savoury offerings.

A friend is allergic to the stuff (garlic, that is) and we got that info from Pret's customer service.

So that's Q# 10 cleared up.

2:24 PM, December 19, 2006  
Anonymous Poppy said...

Yes! Anonymous, it is worth a lot. To the sanctity of my tastebuds, that is. I have been beginning to doubt them after Che's brutal negation of their existence. Thank you.

1:36 PM, December 20, 2006  
Blogger joshua said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:43 AM, March 25, 2007  
Anonymous peter pan said...

I heard a rumour that Che was conceived in a Pret washroom, and thus, holds a very special place in his heart for said establishment.

10:45 AM, March 25, 2007  
Anonymous Bel Ludovic said...

Pret's All Day Breakfast sandwich is delicious, as is their salmon and egg breakfast baguette. They may be a ubiquitous chain but dare I suggest they're one of the few who deserve their success?

7:35 PM, February 20, 2008  

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