The London Review of Breakfasts

"You must be joking. I never eat breakfast. Did you sleep well?" (Jack Carter)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Café Rive Gauche, Fitzrovia

Café Rive Gauche
20 Warren Street
Fitzrovia
W1T 5LS
020 7387 8232
www.caferivegauche.co.uk

by Blake Pudding

I am beginning to suspect that people don’t like me. Some people sail through life on a cushion of benevolence, whilst I seem to be forever caught on the rocks of misunderstandings and imagined slights.

Take café Rive Gauche, where I met Eleni Fostiropoulos to celebrate her birthday. We both ordered Eggs Parisienne, which turned out to be a poached egg with ham and toast. It was lovely and cheap but there wasn’t enough of it so we ordered a plain croissant to share (Eleni and I are both people of large appetites). This is when things started to go wrong.

The waitress brought me an unaccompanied croissant so I asked for some butter and jam. She looked at me incredulously and said “you want butter and jam?”. I replied that this was a correct assumption seeing as that was just what I had asked for. She brought it over and then said angrily “but you asked for a plain croissant”. I replied that plain in this circumstance means ordinary as opposed to chocolate or almond. She disagreed. A charming person here would have pretended that they were at fault, smiled and smoothed things over and everything would have been fine. Instead I said, “so the customer is always wrong?” Not a very witty response. She stomped off angrily and Eleni looked at me with one of those only-you-could-have-escalated-a-mere-muddle-into-a-full-blown-argument-
no-wonder-Mrs-Pudding-spends-so-much-time-at-her-mother’s looks.

The croissant was buttery and the jam sweet with the ripest strawberries but I could detect a lingering bitterness long after breakfast.

4 Comments:

Anonymous paul haine said...

No, she's right, you asked for it plain and you got it plain. You don't need to ask for a plain croissant when all you want is a croissant - in such cases, you just ask for a croissant. If you wanted a chocolate or almond croissant you ask for a chocolate or almond croissant. Nobody is ever going to bring you a chocolate or almond croissant if you just say 'croissant'. It'd be like bringing you a jam sandwich when all you'd asked for was 'bread'.

6:03 PM, August 21, 2008  
Blogger HB said...

You can be a terrible arse sometimes Blakey

6:18 PM, August 21, 2008  
Anonymous Blake Pudding said...

This review contains edited highlights of my conversation with the waitress. Intitially i asked for a chocolate croissant but they had run out so I said I would have a plain one instead.

Furthermore I didn't ask for it plain, I asked for a plain croissant. There is a world of difference.

9:50 AM, August 22, 2008  
Blogger Stephen Fry-Up said...

Grow up Blake.

4:09 PM, September 05, 2008  

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