The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Thursday, October 01, 2009

The Wapping Project, Wapping

The Wapping Project
Wapping Hydraulic Power Station
Wapping Wall
E1 3SG
020 7680 2080

by Malcolm Eggs

A while ago I considered starting a political party. It was to be called The Cut and Run Democrats, its one policy being to pool all the money in the country and divide it equally between everybody. With around £100,000 each, we could then get the hell out of here to hotter, cheaper places. The rich wouldn’t have liked it, but being so far outnumbered they could never win an election. It could not have gone wrong.

Since then, the LRB millions have flowed in and my radical ideology has mellowed somewhat. I now think The Wapping Project – a glorious restaurant in a decaying power station – offers a more compelling and realistic vision for the future. Let’s forget the old effort, the old scrum of industry and focus on what we now do best: eating, with a special focus on breakfast.

We’ll leave in the gauges and levers, the cogs and the pulleys. Greened with age but still proud, they remind us of the sterling work put in by our mothers and fathers to get us here. But amongst all that we’ll place speakers playing endless guitar instrumentals. Our milkshakes will be speckled with the black of real vanilla, our conversation will be roused by the pep of proper coffee and our fry-ups will be as carefully composed as the ceilings of central Venice, which is just as well because the whole place is bathed in a radiant light that occasionally forms into a single beam, enlightening a plate of pancakes or a particularly celestial sausage. Everything will taste fantastic, the portions will be generous and, my brothers and sisters, there will be a good range of options on the menu.

We will march on Battersea. We will heat bacon on the nuclear ball thing at Sellafield. We will laugh at the fact that there is a power station called Eggington.

In summary, it was a fucking good breakfast.


Anonymous Blake Pudding said...

That's some nicely timed swearing Malcolm.

11:30 AM, October 01, 2009  
Anonymous Malcolm Eggs said...

Thanks. The money men weren't sure, but it ran well in the test screenings.

11:45 AM, October 01, 2009  
Anonymous T.N. Toost said...

Haha, nice!

6:32 PM, October 01, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i do like the many wappings in the address. And of course the review.

2:58 PM, October 14, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two things;

1. Malcolm, I know this is a very old review, but please try to review breakfasts in furture, your spry and flippant musings are irritating, and irrelevant.

2. The restaurants website tried to resize my browser, therefore regardless of how good the food is, they can get stuffed.

11:46 AM, December 06, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the previous poster: I rather liked the hidden nature of the actual review in the third paragraph, as a parallel to the apparently hidden nature of the venue itself. To each their own.

Also, what was more disconcerting than the website being difficult to use was that they seem to only serve breakfast on Saturdays. Still going to give this a try soon, though.

4:34 PM, May 17, 2012  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Listed on BlogShares