The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Special Dispatch: Not Manic Organic, Glastonbury Festival

Not Manic Organic
Glastonbury Festival
Worthy Farm

by Cher E. Jamm

This is an apology where a review should be. I'm filing it to my editor, Malcolm Eggs, and it will be up to him whether he runs it or not [I think the public needs to hear this - Ed]. All I can say is that with the the clarity that only comes with hindsight, I now realise that perhaps Manic Organic and I will never be united in breakfasting glory. For the third year running, I have tried, and failed, to review their vegan breakfast. This year, I made the mistake of promising myself a Manic breakfast on the last day, the Sunday. In the preceding days I would sample other delights, or cook my own breakfasts to save money. Manic Organic would be a treat, I had told myself. I passed the stall every day and beamed at it, giving it a little knowing nod. I even took a photo and sent it to the LRB's esteemed editor when he got in touch to see how I was getting on. It was all in hand, he had nothing to worry about: 2010 would be the year it happened. I had no reason to doubt that it would.

Now that I'm home, I've had the time to meditate on the facts. I even discussed it with my Breakfast Spiritual Advisor - she who puts a bowl of muesli and a jug of milk on her bedside table the night before in order to take her first course the minute she wakes. BSA suspects that perhaps Manic Organic and I have some kind of mutual karmic block. Bad blood. Unresolved issues from past lives. She says I need to make peace with the place before the universe will allow me to get there. She's suggested I go to their Cafe in Birmingham with an offering before Glastonbury 2011.

And so, to the facts, dear reader:

- I awoke on Sunday at 11am.

- I had a shower, got changed and shook off my hangover with a cup of tea and a slice of orange and walnut cake from Queen Deliah's veggie cafe two doors over from Manic. The cake was delicious and orangey - somewhere between cake and an undercooked brownie. The tea was a little watery for my liking.

- Afterwards, I decided to go and see a friend I had kept missing all weekend, about a 25 minute walk away. I was full from the cake and tea and thought I would leave it an hour or so and come back for my Manic feast with a clear head.

- At about 4pm, I was called by Mr Jamm in a state of panic. He sent me on a mission collecting much needed footage for a video that was being shot and edited on-site. I had to find famous people and interview them for it.

- My assignment meant that I had to spend the next hours sweet-talking musicians' weedy managers into letting me chat to them after they came off stage. All the while, I was very aware that Manic Organic is getting further and further away from me.

- By the time I finished said assignment, I dropped the camera off at the production office and ran (RAN!) to catch Stevie Wonder at the Pyramid stage.

- The rest, in all honesty, is a hazy mixture of rum, friends, joy and laughter. No Manic breakfast.

- Monday morning was spent packing up. I had breakfast made for me. I made the foolish assumption that Manic Organic would be packing up, too. We passed it as we drove away, a small queue of die-hard fans stood waiting for their last breakfast of the festival. I shed a tear, and pawed at the window as we passed. Sad times.

And that is what happened. I now know that I should have been brave and taken breakfast at Manic Organic, instead of tea and cake at Queen Delilah's. I now know that I need to make a pilgrimage to Birmingham to make peace. Then and only then will I get that review to you all next year. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm sorry I failed you.


Anonymous Eavis said...

Why didn't you just have breakfast at Manic Organic in the first place? Instead of fannying about with cake? What kind of mimsy has cake before breakfast anyway? I'll tell you - the kind of ditzy low-life who showers at Glastonbury.

5:52 PM, July 08, 2010  
Anonymous Cher E. Jamm said...

When one's at Glastonbury for over a week, I believe, one needs to shower. There's a three day limit when it comes to the sordid topic of filth.

As for the cake blip: don't judge a breakfast reviewer until you've shuffled a mile in her dusty shoes, Eavis.

9:08 AM, July 09, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Manic Organic is our food stall and reading this actually made me laugh. Is it because it steers away from the traditional English breakfast, as I know this scares alot of old stick in the mud traditionalist's.
Our breakfast is unique but gives the consummer everything they need to keep them going for the day where as your slice of cake might have left you slightly lacking. Maybe you should have just come over for porridge or something you were more familar with. Our breakfast defies this traditionalist way and makes us all very proud. It has had so much praise over the many years and hundreds of events that your review leaves a smile on my face!!

4:29 PM, September 13, 2010  

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