Ten jokes to tell at the breakfast table
Hey breakfasters! Brighten up your morning meal with these chortle-soaked sun-up funnies. Read 'em out loud. Go on. All of them. In a row. That's it. And don't any of you say a word. Don't anyone say a word. Not until you've chuckled at all ten of these brilliant breakfast hooties!
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A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head. ‘Why have you got a fried egg on your head?’ asks the bartender. The man replies: ‘Because a boiled one would have rolled off.’
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Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and says: ‘Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.’
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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Omelette.
Omelette who?
Omelette smarter than I look.
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There are two sausages in a pan. One says to the other: ‘Christ, it’s hot in here.’ The other one says: ‘Holy shit, a talking sausage!’
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A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, ‘Doc, what’s wrong with me?’ The doctor replies, ‘You’re not eating properly.’
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An angry wife meets her husband at the door. There is alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. ‘I assume,’ she snarls, ‘that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o’clock in the morning?’
‘There is,’ he replies. ‘Breakfast.’
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What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom? You’re one fungi to be with.
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A pastor and his wife were arguing about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, ‘You get up first so you should do it so we won’t have to wait so long for our coffee.’ He replied, ‘You’re in charge of all cooking related duties, so it’s your job.’ She responded, ‘No, you should do it. As a matter of fact even the Bible says the man should make the coffee.’ ‘That’s ridiculous!’ he exclaimed in surprise. ‘Show me where it says that.’ She calmly brought the Bible and opened it to the New Testament where indeed at the top of several pages it says ‘Hebrews’.
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Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? Because one is enoeuf.
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Did you hear about the man who drowned in his breakfast cereal?
He was dragged under by a strong currant.
*********
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head. ‘Why have you got a fried egg on your head?’ asks the bartender. The man replies: ‘Because a boiled one would have rolled off.’
*********
Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and says: ‘Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.’
*********
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Omelette.
Omelette who?
Omelette smarter than I look.
*********
There are two sausages in a pan. One says to the other: ‘Christ, it’s hot in here.’ The other one says: ‘Holy shit, a talking sausage!’
*********
A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, ‘Doc, what’s wrong with me?’ The doctor replies, ‘You’re not eating properly.’
*********
An angry wife meets her husband at the door. There is alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. ‘I assume,’ she snarls, ‘that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o’clock in the morning?’
‘There is,’ he replies. ‘Breakfast.’
*********
What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom? You’re one fungi to be with.
*********
A pastor and his wife were arguing about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, ‘You get up first so you should do it so we won’t have to wait so long for our coffee.’ He replied, ‘You’re in charge of all cooking related duties, so it’s your job.’ She responded, ‘No, you should do it. As a matter of fact even the Bible says the man should make the coffee.’ ‘That’s ridiculous!’ he exclaimed in surprise. ‘Show me where it says that.’ She calmly brought the Bible and opened it to the New Testament where indeed at the top of several pages it says ‘Hebrews’.
*********
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? Because one is enoeuf.
*********
Did you hear about the man who drowned in his breakfast cereal?
He was dragged under by a strong currant.
posted by London Review of Breakfasts |
6:36 PM |
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