The Bagel Factory, Euston

The Bagel Factory
Mobile Unit 5
The Piazza
Euston Station
Euston
WC1H 2DN
www.bagelfactory.co.uk
020 7407 7616

by Mabel Syrup

It has long been my belief that England cannot create an authentic bagel. To be fair the bar that they are measured up against is one I had in New York which has had me reminiscing for over nine years. Is this too long to hold on to a memory? Will anything ever be able to match up?

Having watched a friend on countless mornings rustling at paper to uncover a Bagel Factory bagel nestled in the folds I was becoming increasingly intrigued - so when she offered me a free bagel courtesy of her loyalty card’s ten stamps I gratefully accepted. Would this be the place that would satisfy nine years of dreaming?

The ‘Egg Works with Sausage on Sesame with Ketchup’, however, was an insult to the entire concept of a bagel.

The so called scrambled egg - which presumably in their minds is the key to the ‘Eggworks’ name - had been microwaved in a round mould the shape of the bagel, so that it bore not even a passing resemblance to the (doubtlessly battery) hen’s egg it (hopefully) originated from. The sausage had been cut into thin strips (if it had not actually been formed this way to start off with) and somehow had both a grey appearance AND texture. It is not even possible to grade it on an OCIS basis. I can’t even bring myself to mention the cheese. And the bagel? Untoasted for a start, the ‘chewy flavour and grainy warm aroma’ the Bagel Factory’s website talks about was noticeably absent.

My advice? Go to New York. Stick to cream cheese. And never try bagels in Euston.

Hugo's, Queens Park

Hugo’s
25 Lonsdale Road
Queens Park
NW6 6RA
020 7372 1232

by Hashley Brown

Some days are perfect for breakfast, and one that affords you an extra hour in bed (thanks to the farmers/children/daylight savings activists) is pre-destined for greatness.

Heading to Queen’s Park at the behest and recommendation of good friends I found myself not in the aimless NW-nowhere suburb that I expected, but joining an elegant, vibrant Sunday morning community. Stopping off at the farmers market en-route I started the day not entirely unlike a bracing seafront stroll, with an oyster, prised open at the stall, and taken in one fell swoop that cleared both the palette and all memories of the night before.

Pre-prandial seafood excursions completed, and to cut to the point, we came upon Hugo’s. Previously “The Organic Café” and the first Soil Association certified organic café in the UK, this is a gem of a breakfasting venue. Tucked in an old workshop on Lonsdale Road, it has the worn-in charm of a long-standing café that is both homely and successful.

Good black coffee preceded a full English that scored full marks for both ingredients and cooking. The quality of the meat was top-notch, naturally organic, and clearly untampered with. A premium herby sausage was paired with a single rasher of thick cut bacon, which maintained its succulence whilst the fat was rendered to a beautiful golden crunch. Add to this buttery pan cooked mushrooms, grilled tomato, perfectly fried egg on white toast and fried potatoes and you have a gloriously substantial breakfast with more integrity than a prospective Tory leader. With or without an oyster-aperitif this is breakfasting at its best.

Rossi Restaurant, Spitalfields

***CLOSED***

Rossi Restaurant
8 Hanbury St
Spitalfields
E1 6QR
020 72472490

by Malcolm Eggs

Spitalfields is where the glass and steel environs of the City give way to the history and character of old working London, the bustle of the Bangladeshi community and the four thousand haircuts of a thousand aspiring creatives. The corner of Commercial and Hanbury Streets is the recreational hub of the local artistic community: for ales you have the Golden Heart, the pub beloved of Tracey Emin – and for the resulting breakfast you have Rossi, the Italian greasy spoon frequented by Gilbert Proesch and George Passmore aka Gilbert and George.

There are four set choices, none priced at more than £4.10. Number one is for the traditionalists, a perfectly weighted combo of sausage, bacon, beans, egg and toast. Number two introduces some bubble and squeak into the landscape at the expense of the beans. A number three is bacon, eggs, chips and toast. And a number four is one of those avant-garde combinations involving something to do with lamb chops.

We tried the one and the three. They were deeply splendid renditions of old classics, more Kleiber’s realisation of Beethoven's 5th than Gates’s version of Unchained Melody. The bacon was crispy and entirely without sweaty white fat and although the sausage was of the humble variety found in plastic-chaired establishments across the land, it fulfilled all the potential it had with gusto. The egg was over easy and immaculate: not a drop of yolk wasted, not a blob of white spared. The chips were excellent as were the beans, toast and tea: excellent - and hot.

Our plates soon lay empty. A warm, happy glow ensued. This was a breakfasting tour de force.

The Oxford, Kentish Town

The Oxford
256 Kentish Town Road
Kentish Town
NW5 2AA
020 7485 3521

by Hashley Brown

It’s a shame, and much to The Oxford’s disadvantage, that the ubiquitous Burger King empire has taken all proprietary rights on the ‘chargrilled’ taste sensation. The humble BBQ has escaped this branding due to a national inability to anything but cremate dinner during all home attempts at chargrilling; but for this newly refurb’ed gastro-eatery the comparisons are unnervingly accurate.

First things first, it looks good. A hefty pub recently kitted out in the North London Gastro Super Store’s latest line – Pensive Yet Elegant; large wooden tables, black walls, gigantic mirrors, the odd chandelier. OK, so it looks like almost any other recently gentrified aspirational pub but it’s not a bad look. The open kitchen at the back serves a selected brunch menu, which on paper looked like a worthy morning adversary - and on the plate it looked good too. Sausage, bacon, black pudding, egg(s), tomato, beans, toast; and not just your normal ingredients either: meaty butchers sausage (although I prefer a rougher cut), thick bacon, vine tomato, some sort of Italianate bread – all pretty fancy.

But as my father has always said: good ingredients in the hands of an average chef will always be less than the sum of their parts – or something. Basically it tasted rubbish. Everything was chargrilled – which made everything taste a lot like a bacon double cheeseburger. Any breakfast where each bite leaves you trying to recall a flavour, only to finally realise the taste is that of a garish fast food chain, will unnerve even the most gastronomically challenged diner. Bacon should taste like bacon, not a burger. Sausages should taste like sausages, not a burger. Toast should taste like… I think you get the idea.

Taste Buds, Palmers Green

Taste Buds
306 Green Lanes
Palmers Green
N13 5TT
020 8886 0390

by Blake Pudding

To Taste Buds on London's increasingly fashionable Green Lanes I took the those two delightful Takabayashi sisters, who I always find irresistible at any time of day. After last week's horror at the hands of the old foe, I was delighted to find that this cafe was run by Greek Cypriots.

I went for that brunch stand by of sausage, egg and chips with a mug of tea. Regarding the latter, I received a letter from a Mr Konsani concerning the subject of which beverage to take with his morning repast. I do agree that a nice cup of tea is the perfect thing with an English breakfast. It cuts through the grease and refreshes the palate. Last week, however, as I was in a French cafe I feel that it would have been utter madness to order the tea.

Anyway, I digress. Breakfast came promptly though the asked for glass of water never materialised. The chips were excellent, perfectly crisp and golden. The eggs had been prepared using a "mould" which is normally the mark of a dishonest or incompetent cook. A fresh egg will never run in the pan. In the end, one of the eggs was well prepared with a runny yolk though the other was fit only for that breakfast heretic, Ed Benedict (if that really is his name). Only one sausage came with the breakfast which was disappointing though not as disappointing as the extra sausage when it arrived. It had been spliced down the middle and heated up quickly in less than fresh looking grease. The quality of the sausages was low but they were not inedible. For all this I was charged £3.25. It was a satisfactory meal - but not one for the true breakfast lover.

Black Cherry, East Dulwich

Black Cherry
21 Lordship Lane
East Dulwich
SE22 8EW
020 8299 8877

by Herby Banger

It had been a night to remember: the last of the summer's BBQs, the triumphant return of an old friend culminating in an impromptu house party. For all these reasons I awoke the next morning in dire need of a quality breakfast.

Grabbing some breakfasting fellows we set off gingerly for the new kid on the East Dulwich block: Black Cherry, on Lordship Lane.

The menu was small, in choice and in literal size, a sort of delicate watermarked card that I wanted to crush in my hand. It suited the Laura Ashley wallpaper but not my mood. Thoughts that this place was all wrong for what I needed were increasing. Could this bar be trusted to cook me a hearty breakfast at 12 in the afternoon?

Maybe it was the price of the furnishings. They were nice all in all, but they seemed to be trying to pay it off with the rates attributed to the food: an excessive £6.50 for the Eggs Benedict, which featured not once or twice but three times on the menu. I went for the version featuring honey roasted ham, expecting that they must have pride in the dish if it consisted of over half the menu. As you can tell, I’ve built this up for the inevitable let down - and what a waste of time it was. A flat lifeless muffin, an overcooked egg and hollandaise which was sour and vinegary. It would have been instantly forgettable if it wasn't so disappointing.

Although one of my friends enjoyed his mixed omelette (£5.50) and I was intrigued by the Bacon Door Stop Sandwich (£3.50), I must tell you that there are infinitely better breakfasts to be had in the Dulwich area, so you have no excuse if you end up here.

Konstam, King's Cross

***KONSTAM HAS NOW CLOSED***

Konstam
109 King’s Cross Road
London
WC1 X 9LR
Tel: 0207 833 5040

by Dr Sigmund Fried

It’s taken me four months to actually get through the door of this wonderful café/restaurant; four months of regularly cycling past, looking longingly through its big window and thinking ‘Gosh, that place looks lovely – I’ll have to take some friends there very soon …’ (which meant, a couple of times, that I nearly got far too intimate with the back end of a braking bus). It is the incongruousness of Konstam’s stylish façade with its hefty and long wooden tables which appealed to me most. Looking like the type of place you’d perhaps expect to find on Stoke Newington Church St, its juxtaposition with some very ordinary buildings either side - a generic Irish pub; unremarkable terraced housing; a ‘massage’ parlour – renders it a lighthouse of hope in the fog-ridden, rock-strewn sea that is King’s Cross. What’s more, the benefit of it not being in Stokey is that there aren’t any smug, Berghaus-clad ‘oh-aren’t-we-so-liberal’ parents trying to force-feed their bawling off-spring tofu to ruin it.

But appearances can be deceptive. Would the food fulfill the promise of the paint job? Well, after an almost painful struggle to decide what to have from the extensive brunch menu - which includes fresh cut grapefruit with brown sugar; scrambled eggs on toast with chorizo or smoked salmon; eggs benedict or florentine; pancakes or French toast with eggs, bacon & maple syrup – I plumped for Konstam’s twist on old faithful: bacon, eggs, mushrooms, slow roast tomatoes & toast. At £5.80 not including tea it isn’t exactly cheap, but then you do have to pay for quality – and that’s what you get. Put simply, it’s one of the best breakfasts I’ve had in a long time: top-notch ingredients expertly cooked. Add to that a lovely atmosphere and great, friendly service and you know what you’ve got? A new regular customer.

Village Café, Gospel Oak

Village Café
147 Highgate rd
Gospel Oak
NW5 1LJ
020 7267 1840

by Hashley Brown

A quick perusal of the Village Café menu with its multi-combo breakfast deals was sufficient to ascertain a few basics. The sausage would be of the long, deep fried variety, bacon would probably be cooked on one side, and the ketchup would be some non-Heinz catering substitute. This aside the only notable feature was the offer of a selection of “home-made food”, casting a certain shadow of gastronomic doubt over the origins of the rest of the menu.

A long, slightly ramshackle establishment, the formica tables came with a complimentary copy of the Daily Star – a red-top that seems to shout all its headlines in near-illiterate four word rants, whilst apparently believing that reporting what happened in last night’s Corrie counts as news. Reading the heart breaking news of EGG MAN CHILD DEATH it became apparent that a cheery demeanour was definitely not on the must-haves list for their waiting staff - however what arrived was a breakfast that hit the spot.

As Malcolm Eggs tucked into his hearty omelette (with its own extended family of chips), my sausage, eggs, bacon, tomato, and toast filled a greasy meaty yearning that befits an early Sunday afternoon breakfast. Sausage quality aside, the cooking was good – crispy bacon, runny yet firm egg, and well griddled tomatoes. Sated, and initial expectations exceeded, I wasn’t disappointed. Don’t expect too much and you’ll be happy with your Village Café breakfast – just take your own paper.

Smiths of Smithfield, Farringdon

Smiths of Smithfield
67-77 Charterhouse Street
Farringdon
EC1M 6HJ
020 7251 7950
www.smithsofsmithfield.co.uk

by Ed Benedict

Smiths of Smithfield is located in the heart of London’s meat packing district. Some vegetarians might not want to walk through this environment, but as a practising herbivore who lives above a butcher I’ve become accustomed to waking up to the sound of sawing - and stepping over buckets of organs has become a part of my morning routine.

At 9am, Smiths was packed. Loud dance music and a black, warehouse-like interior give it a lively, buzzy feel and the reasonably priced breakfast menu had everything from a full English to pancakes to porridge. The coffee was good (although with a bit too much froth on the latte) and the orange juice was freshly squeezed.

As an avid fan of fungi I was hugely excited to see 5 juicy tasty mushrooms on thick chunky toast on the menu, but my breakfast companion unfortunately wasn’t as thrilled. He complained that his bacon was slightly over done and difficult to cut and although the sausages were good and you can’t really go wrong with baked beans he was expecting his brown toast to be freshly cut rather than pre-sliced. Everything was warm as opposed to piping hot and overall he didn’t feel hugely satisfied. On the sunny side up, it’s open from 7am (although not on weekends), the service was excellent and the setting is unusual and interesting.

Patisserie Valérie, Soho

Pâtisserie Valérie
44 Old Compton Street
Soho
W1D 5JX
020 7437 3466

by Blake Pudding

Accompanying me to Soho's famed Patisserie Valérie were the godfather of molecular gastronomy, Harold McGee, fresh from a whistle stop tour of Europe's culinary hot spots, and his esteemed editor, Richard Atkinson. McGee's tour had taken in the Fat Duck at Bray and El Bulli near Girona and after such experimental cookery, I thought where better to take him than somewhere classic and dependable like Pat Val (as my great aunt the Comtessa de Castiglione calls it- dreadful woman that she is).

We all ordered eggs benedict reasoning that it is always good to order something that you would not normally prepare for yourself. When Harold had mentioned that it was impossible to get properly poached eggs in the States, Richard and I had smiled smugly at each other. We should not have been so confident. The hollandaise was runny and tasteless and the eggs, which had no flavour at all, had been 'poached' in an egg 'poacher' rather than prepared properly in gently bubbling water. To mitigate, the coffee was excellent as was the service and the company. The eggs benedict was £6 with the coffees costing £2 so this was a premium though not extortionate breakfast.

The croissants and the cakes here are always excellent so perhaps the mistake was ours to entrust a Frenchman with a cooked breakfast. With these things one needs an Englishman or perhaps a Greek Cypriot.

Brassino, Kentish Town

Brassino Café
287 Kentish Town Road
Kentish Town
NW5 2JS
020 7485 2819

by Hashley Brown

Small plates. That’s the secret. You manage to satisfy both the glutton and the penny-watcher in your potential breakfaster. It works like this: your average affordable breakfast can only have so many elements, (unless we’re talking a Little Chef Olympic Breakfast, which we’re not). On a big plate they lounge about in relative ceramic luxury and the eater feels a bit miffed wondering where all the food is. Squeeze those same elements onto a more diminutive platter, they jostle happily against each other, and it feels like there's so much food it's falling off the sides - perception is everything.

So. Brassino’s has small plates, which is a winner. They also hand-cut their bread fresh from a big sandwich loaf, which means chunky doorsteps of crunchy buttery toast, a good start to any breakfast. At £4 for sausage, bacon, egg, beans, tomatoes, toast and tea, this comes in as an eminently affordable start to the day. As ever the sausage could have been better, although in its favour, its unusual length gave it a humorous quality as yet un-encountered.

Whilst the outside is somewhat nondescript, Brassino’s feels like the kind of place a young Michael Caine may well have taken his daily egg and chips. Hidden behind a wall of plants in the window, it takes on a very local, slightly gloomy feel that makes it perfect for a rainy Saturday morning. The food was good, the service friendly, and the small plates made me happy.

IKEA, Edmonton

IKEA
Glover Drive
Edmonton
N18 3HF
www.ikea.com

by Malcolm Eggs

It was a bright Tuesday morning and I was there to purchase some Helmers, a Lagis, a pair of Amons and a lovely bunch of Svennings. But halfway up the very first escalator, distraction took hold - for there, on a brightly coloured ad, was something that just didn’t seem possible: a full English breakfast for just 95p. Was this the true reason for the IKEA opening riots earlier this year?

You expect such a price to indicate mediocrity, and the food being stored in large stainless steel trays of the Trusthouse Forte variety didn’t bode well. And there were no eggs, which is rather odd. But you know what? The bacon was well-cooked and there was a generous amount of it, the tomatoes were decently squidgy and the beans were beans were beans: it wasn’t bad at all. The sausage wasn’t going to win any prizes – but it was cooked to the right OCIS and I’ll always take a standard sausage decently cooked over a ‘medium rare’ pork and apple.

Even at 95p, it’s questionable whether you’ll want to travel to some dingy retail park exclusively for breakfast. But if you really must buy some flat-packed, flimsy furniture, this will set you up nicely - and it will leave you with enough change from a fiver for a Trudelutt.