by Malcolm Eggs
It was a bright Tuesday morning and I was there to purchase some Helmers, a Lagis, a pair of Amons and a lovely bunch of Svennings. But halfway up the very first escalator, distraction took hold - for there, on a brightly coloured ad, was something that just didn’t seem possible: a full English breakfast for just 95p. Was this the true reason for the IKEA opening riots earlier this year?
You expect such a price to indicate mediocrity, and the food being stored in large stainless steel trays of the Trusthouse Forte variety didn’t bode well. And there were no eggs, which is rather odd. But you know what? The bacon was well-cooked and there was a generous amount of it, the tomatoes were decently squidgy and the beans were beans were beans: it wasn’t bad at all. The sausage wasn’t going to win any prizes – but it was cooked to the right OCIS and I’ll always take a standard sausage decently cooked over a ‘medium rare’ pork and apple.
Even at 95p, it’s questionable whether you’ll want to travel to some dingy retail park exclusively for breakfast. But if you really must buy some flat-packed, flimsy furniture, this will set you up nicely - and it will leave you with enough change from a fiver for a Trudelutt.