The Peckham Experiment, Peckham
168 Bellenden Road
by Herby Banger
For as long as I can remember Peckham has been considered “Up and Coming” – and Bellenden Rd is the embodiment of this warped ethos, having slowly removed the local smells and sounds and replaced them with coffee, yoga and higher house prices.
The Peckham Experiment is a café/restaurant that sits on this bland row. After seeing the blackboard outside I ventured in. After an inexcusably long time I was served, ordering their Full English and a latte. So far so normal.
Then the plate arrived and at first glace I could barely contain my shock. I physically felt myself flush with desperation. A weaker man might have wept, for this was an expensive breakfast, but what greeted me was an abomination. Where do I start? Perhaps the diced mushrooms and their accompanying juice. This dark grey liquid had infected every inch of the plate's surface: the toast was so heavily laden with it that upon physical contact it broke and crumbled like soggy sick. The beans were barely warm, and the bacon had scarcely touched the pan. As if matters could not get worse, I then noticed that they had forgotten to include the fried eggs. Outrageous! I should have cut and run right there: ‘forget the money’ I thought… but no, I had to make my point. An obvious mistake, so it was only a mild bombshell when not two minutes later the dish returned, this time with hurriedly undercooked eggs.
I was inconsolable. What hurt the most is that they seemed to have created a breakfast without any care for the basic craft of cooking. Walking away, stomach and wallet badly effected, I was left to rue my misfortune. Without doubt the worst, most insipid excuse for a breakfast I have ever encountered.