The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Friday, February 29, 2008

Cafe Diana, Archway

Cafe Diana
653 Archway Road
N19 5SE
020 7281 8629

by Paddy Hashbrown

Seeking asylum from the Archway wind screeching through our bones on a Sunday morning, we stumble on a café whose window bears the legend, "Breakfast for £1.99". After exchanging knowing looks – for words are not needed - our group of eight sweeps through the door.

Inside and seated (alas, the size of our party means we are cleaved onto two tables) the room is aswarm with open mouths and furtive eyes glancing towards the poor matron who is single-handedly manning the fort for 20 empty stomachs. We tap our fingers noisily on the Formica as we wait for what seems like aeons, the menu at least offering some solace.

I order “Breakfast Number 2” and cast my gaze to the door, scowling at anyone tempted to come in who might affect the expedience with which our orders are dealt with.

With my facial muscles suitably exercised, breakfast arrives: a sausage that passes for a taut, red, iron ingot; a sloppy fried egg that seems to be attempting to blend into the plate to avoid being eaten; two slips of bacon, curled skywards to resemble flipped pink tortoise shells.

My appetite was revived, however, by tinned tomatoes entering stage left and proceeding to glue the unconvincing meal together with the finesse and strength of Alexander the Great. Aided by a mug of tea with enough vigour and tannin to revive the most cold-hearted of cadavers, my stomach was eventually standing on all fours, ready to face the day.

Breakfast for £1.99? Not quite – with added (needed) extras the price crept in at just under the £5 mark. But really, who is to complain? As a relaxing way to eschew the biting, barking, swelling chill of Holloway Road, Cafe Diana is a princess among men.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That close to Archway tube station, you should have gone to the Toll Gate Cafe; really nice breakfasts and no photos of dead princesses.

2:16 PM, February 29, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About as helpfull as a frozen vege-burger.

11:47 AM, August 24, 2008  
Anonymous sophie said...

lovely food and lovely people
sophie weller

5:17 PM, May 19, 2010  

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