The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Franco's, Shoreditch

67 Rivington Street
EC2A 3AY (Map)
020 7739 0231

by Moose Lee

I have a moral tale to tell. It was the morning after a night of reverie and sin.

I awoke, fully-clothed, next to my girlfriend. Counterwise, my good friend Y awoke in the spare bedroom, disrobed, with the opposite of his girlfriend. By which I mean, a girl who was not his girlfriend.

Before we could even try and think what any of this meant we had to go for breakfast.

First off, we tried this smart place in Bethnal Green, the Rochelle Canteen, for a cleansing, arty breakfast. But they were closed – “preparing for an event”. We should have turned back then.

We went to The Diner on Curtain Road and stared blankly at the menus. All the options were so fun and hopeful: eggs Benedict, blueberry pancakes. But our bodies knew what our minds did not. You shall have what you deserve. And there was no fry-up on the menu.

So, with the sad acceptance of repeat offenders, we went round the corner to Franco’s and – without needing to open the menu – both ordered the ‘Special Breakfast’, £3.80.

Somehow, we were still in a chirpy mood: ironically enjoying the red tops and bantering with the waitress. “Keep your hands off her, Y,” I said. But the laughs died out as our breakfast arrived.

It was – we realised - everything he deserved.

I watched my friend grimly begin his punishment: chewing through the sausage skin that, although I didn’t mention it at the time, reminded me of a ripped condom. He poked at the yolk and watched it leak into his bean juice. He nodded at this. Then, solemnly, communion-like, he swallowed the lump of egg white that had grown cold at the edge of his plate. Washed down with bitter, too-strong, tea, I saw in my friend's face the heavy weight of regret. The burden began to prickle his skin like carbohydrate sweats.


Blogger AS said...

Beautifully done.

9:32 PM, February 22, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Y oh why?
How could you do such a thing?

10:28 AM, February 28, 2008  
Blogger Luiza Sauma said...

I've been through the same experience many a time...

5:47 PM, March 04, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

poor luiza always waking up with the wrong girl.

11:44 AM, March 20, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who is writing this shit. This guy is so pretentious. I hate him i can't even be constructive my hate is so strong. Please please don't write any more of these pompous useless reviews. I don't like hating people but you've really pushed me. Fuck off!

9:54 AM, September 13, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dont't go to an italian an english fry up.. have pasta and lasange.. 5 quid for a massive slab of extremely tasty lasagne with a nice salad or chips on the side..

10:32 AM, October 03, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Food should never be described as a slab. Unless it is being sold in a confectioners shop.

10:58 AM, October 03, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also, if the food's being sold in a morgue.

11:11 AM, October 03, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site is useful for finding new breakfast places to try in London. The reviews however are pretentious and shit. I'm afraid that the reviewers are not as funny or clever as they think they are.

12:16 PM, January 02, 2010  
Anonymous Jim Holt said...

That made me laugh out loud. I thank you

5:37 AM, January 07, 2010  

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