by Reggie Brek
It has always been a matter of perverse pride that my taste in food inclines naturally toward the lowbrow. Offered a choice, as I once was on my birthday, between the Wolseley and KFC, I went for the Colonel, and had one of the most gratifying meals of that year. It's nothing to do with reverse snobbishness or anything like that; I just have the palate of a 10-year-old.
Thus, I'm exactly the chow-down type the Subway chain had in mind when they designed their breakfast menu. Already a slave to the perfect rhythm of the McDonald's Big Breakfast, I was very much looking forward to trying Subway's interpretation of the morning meal. A recent-ish arrival from America, specialising in sandwiches on long rolls (including, to my delight, a 12-inch version), it was bound to give the Big Brekko a run for its money.
Well, my hopes foundered as soon as I walked in. Get this - the New York subway map imprinted on the walls was wrong. Parts of it had been transposed to place Brooklyn across the East River from Queens. If they could make so free with the map, whose design is as comforting to New Yorkers as Harry Beck's Underground effort is to Londoners, who knew what they could do to the Breakfast Mega 6-Inch Sub?
I found out. Repairing to a stool with my Mega and a refillable Diet Coke - a sexier bet than the coffee, I thought - I made my way through a mulch of bacon, sausage, egg and Swiss cheese. Now remember, I love this kind of thing, so to me it was an agreeable mulch, but if I were to be critical, I'd mention the pre-formed scrambled eggs, the spicy circle that is probably legally required to be labelled "sausage food" and the weird granules stuck to the roll. I enjoyed it. Proper adults might not.