The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Monday, October 06, 2008

Breakfasts and Beds: Bailiffscourt Hotel & Spa, Climping, West Sussex

Bailiffscourt Hotel & Spa
West Sussex
BN17 5RW
T: +44 (0)1903 723511

by Cher E Jamm

Allow me to set the scene: a lovingly restored country hotel, manicured lawns, peacocks trotting around as if they own the place. Two infinity pools, a hot tub and more spa treatments than you can dream of. Our room is absolutely beautiful with a bathroom the size of your average London one-bedroom flat. S&T’s wedding was very special. Perfect, even.

We stumble to our room full of joy and gin and decide to give breakfast with everyone else a miss and order breakfast in bed. A romantic gesture we rarely have time to bother with in real life. I suspect this is where it went wrong. And so, at 9am, there is a knock at the door and a silver-domed tray is sitting at the end of the bed.

Three croissants sit in a napkin that has been origami’d into a basket. They are solid and empty at the same time, so burnt they’re crispy on the inside. No mini-jars of jam accompany them, just a sad looking pat of butter the size of a 10p coin. The fry up, if one is to call it that, consists of a cold, overcooked poached egg sitting aloft half a small mushroom, herbed breadcrumbs masquerading as a (cocktail) sausage and, surprisingly, the finest, crispiest, tastiest bacon the Jamms have ever squabbled over.

As we arrive in the breakfast room to join our friends three things become clear:

1) A hotel that is overstretched with a private function is not going to make sure that the annoying couple in Room 23 are going to get a decent spread. They have 150 guests to feed the morning after a night that finished at 5am.

2) If you order room service the morning after a friend's wedding instead of joining everyone else, you’re a total moron.

3) We’d missed the boat to breakfast bliss in the form of the Bailiffscourt buffet.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only reason to breakfast in bed is to play "hide the pork sausage". I trust this was acomplished and thankfully removed from the review

5:32 PM, October 07, 2008  
Anonymous Brad Wurst said...

I wish there had been some detail about the hiding of this sausage. No sausage was mentioned in the review. You said that you only had a hard croissant without even jam.

And why would you have hidden it? Are you Jewish?

I am confused.

9:38 AM, October 08, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe there is a mention of a sausage in the review Mr Wurst..

10:20 AM, October 08, 2008  
Anonymous Brad Wurst said...

Such a small sausage. It can't have taken long to hide.

1:52 PM, October 08, 2008  

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