The London Review of Breakfasts

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." (Francis Bacon)

Monday, October 06, 2008

Breakfasts and Beds: Bailiffscourt Hotel & Spa, Climping, West Sussex

Bailiffscourt Hotel & Spa
Climping
West Sussex
BN17 5RW
T: +44 (0)1903 723511

by Cher E Jamm

Allow me to set the scene: a lovingly restored country hotel, manicured lawns, peacocks trotting around as if they own the place. Two infinity pools, a hot tub and more spa treatments than you can dream of. Our room is absolutely beautiful with a bathroom the size of your average London one-bedroom flat. S&T’s wedding was very special. Perfect, even.

We stumble to our room full of joy and gin and decide to give breakfast with everyone else a miss and order breakfast in bed. A romantic gesture we rarely have time to bother with in real life. I suspect this is where it went wrong. And so, at 9am, there is a knock at the door and a silver-domed tray is sitting at the end of the bed.

Three croissants sit in a napkin that has been origami’d into a basket. They are solid and empty at the same time, so burnt they’re crispy on the inside. No mini-jars of jam accompany them, just a sad looking pat of butter the size of a 10p coin. The fry up, if one is to call it that, consists of a cold, overcooked poached egg sitting aloft half a small mushroom, herbed breadcrumbs masquerading as a (cocktail) sausage and, surprisingly, the finest, crispiest, tastiest bacon the Jamms have ever squabbled over.

As we arrive in the breakfast room to join our friends three things become clear:

1) A hotel that is overstretched with a private function is not going to make sure that the annoying couple in Room 23 are going to get a decent spread. They have 150 guests to feed the morning after a night that finished at 5am.

2) If you order room service the morning after a friend's wedding instead of joining everyone else, you’re a total moron.

3) We’d missed the boat to breakfast bliss in the form of the Bailiffscourt buffet.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only reason to breakfast in bed is to play "hide the pork sausage". I trust this was acomplished and thankfully removed from the review

5:32 PM, October 07, 2008  
Anonymous Brad Wurst said...

I wish there had been some detail about the hiding of this sausage. No sausage was mentioned in the review. You said that you only had a hard croissant without even jam.

And why would you have hidden it? Are you Jewish?

I am confused.

9:38 AM, October 08, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe there is a mention of a sausage in the review Mr Wurst..

10:20 AM, October 08, 2008  
Anonymous Brad Wurst said...

Such a small sausage. It can't have taken long to hide.

1:52 PM, October 08, 2008  

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